After being with her, her mantra was, “Other women are all slaves, and I have rejected many men with good bodies and high status in order to respect your one-on-one relationship, you must be obedient and do what I say, otherwise I’ll be sorry for me.” ”
It’s really hard to find a s, so I’m also very afraid that she will abandon me, and it’s a different place, for fear that one day she will be angry and she will block me.
So when we get along, I am under a lot of pressure, and I am responsible for her daily expenses for eating and buying clothes, and I also strictly manage my figure, so I still feel that I am not worthy of her.
But after jumping out of the relationship, I realized that my dedication and self-discipline were actually greater than hers, so there was no need to think so.
She sent me a chat log, in which a man M transferred 2888 to her, and then wanted to ask her to go to her own city, she refused and returned the transfer, saying that she already had M, and she was out of the circle.
Then she said to me, “You see, I’m rejecting this because of you, and you have to know how much I’ve given up for you.” ”
My heart tugged at once, on the one hand, I was grateful to her for rejecting others for me, and on the other hand, I felt that I was very useless, after all, my monthly salary was only 8k at that time, and I couldn’t just transfer her 2888 casually.
I was in this shadow of low self-esteem almost all the time throughout the relationship.
I asked him what she liked about me if I wasn’t so good. Why would you choose me for a one-on-one relationship.
She said that she liked me to be obedient and likable.
This deepened the ideological seal that I must listen to her unconditionally, after all, only obedience can prove my worth and please her.
I remember that I immediately transferred an 888 transfer to her at that time, and gratefully told her, I must be obedient, thank you for not abandoning me.
Later I found out that the whole relationship was based on my low self-esteem.
Because only if I maintain low self-esteem, can I be grateful for her little favors, and can I be patient with her neglect and indifference – “After all, I’m too useless, if I’m better, she will like me more, it must be like this.” ”
For this reason, she is always summoning and reinforcing the negative and sensitive me, through all kinds of hints and humiliations, to make my inferiority complex continue to magnify, she accuses me of not being good enough, and on the other hand, she is afraid that I will really become good, so as to get out of her control.
This reminds me of a time when she asked me to wear a “chastity lock”, I asked her why she wanted to wear it, and she said that you have to bring all the waste, are you a waste?
You see, not because I like or she likes this management play, but because I’m “waste”.
We have never communicated with each other on an equal footing, so much so that even we will believe ourselves after talking for a long time.
We agreed to meet once a month. I went to her city to find her.
Actually, I’m quite busy at work, and I’ve mentioned that I take turns running, and if I go to her this month, then she’ll come to me next month.
She said that she didn’t want to run, so I just thought about it, I could just run, and if I continued to talk, I would be “disobedient”.
The first time I went to her, I thought there would be some femdom activity, because I had already communicated the preferences of both parties during the previous chat. I didn’t expect that I just stayed for the whole two days, she was hungry and I helped her order takeout, she was tired and I massaged her, she was sleepy and slept on the bed, and I slept on the ground.
When I mentioned it to her, she was immediately unhappy and asked me, “Is serving her a kind of training?” If M doesn’t appreciate the pleasure of serving his master, then he is not worthy of being called M, and he dares to raise it without reflecting on his own problems. ”
She said, M should not have his own preferences, serving the master, making the master happy is the biggest preference, I don’t understand this, I still feel irritable, I feel blind, and I give up so much for me.
I was a little depressed by what she said, I felt that it was all my fault, it was all my fault, she had such high expectations for me, but I was not sensible at all, and wrote a large review letter to her overnight, promising that I would do whatever she asked me to do in the future, never say much, and it must be my own problem if I can’t experience the fun.
One time when I went to look for her, I happened to have a stomach upset, and it was even worse at night, and I had to run to the toilet every 20 minutes, and taking medicine didn’t work.
I couldn’t do anything but lie on the couch.
Then it was obvious that she was a little unhappy.
When I asked her, she asked me, “Why don’t you come to me when you adjust your body to the best?” Is this what a good m should do? It’s disrespectful to our relationship and a waste of my time. ”
I explained to her that it was acute, that it had only started on the way here, and that I had not predicted it.
She said, “Then go back and get well before you come to me, don’t lie here and make my toilet stink.” ”
At that time, I almost broke the defense, but I didn’t have the strength to break it, I didn’t even have the strength to stand up, but she just thought I had soiled her toilet.
The final result was that at about 10 o’clock in the evening, I had a fever and carried a suitcase to find a hotel to stay in, in order not to cause her trouble and not to make her house dirty.
It was also on that dizzy night that I gained a perspective that jumped out of the relationship to see the essence of our relationship, and I found that between us, SM was just a sugar-coated layer that beautified the relationship, in fact, her identity was “the princess of the palace”, and I was her “slave by her side”.
What she needs is not to have like-minded preferences and satisfy each other, but to raise her hand and someone to help, to pay for it, to warm the cold bed, to sit down with a cushion, and after doing all this, she will digest her emotions by herself, and be grateful for the opportunity she gave to become her slave.
What really made me want to end the relationship happened in December last year.
Her main job is sales, and the performance at the end of the year was not completed, so she ordered me to use my spare time to help her find customers and complete the sales target.
She asked me to help her promote the product in our company group, and I explained that advertising was not allowed in the company group, and the boss would let me leave if he got angry.
She said she didn’t care, anyway, she gave me so many sales targets, and if she couldn’t finish it at the end of the month, she would let me buy it myself.
I was laughed at by her, and told her that you don’t have to do anything, just collect a few M apportionment indicators and it’s over, creating a precedent for SM-type sales.
She said that I still dare to talk back, I don’t ask me to take her to live in a five-star hotel like others, to travel abroad, and I don’t want to help with a little help at work, what use does she want me.
I just didn’t get used to her, and told her that since I think I’m useless, then please find something more useful.
Then he blocked one backhand, and didn’t give her a chance to pua me again.
I found that in relationships, many women can keenly perceive the moments of disrespect or PUA in the relationship, and boldly pop out.
But on the other hand, looking at the relationship between men and women, such complaints are rare.
In fact, I was also very dull at the beginning of the relationship, and it was not until I was very uncomfortable later that I gradually realized that something was wrong.
Therefore, writing this contribution is also an appeal to all male M compatriots, if there is discomfort, they should also speak out boldly, although due to the large number of people, female S is very scarce, resulting in us often at the bottom of the food chain, but we are not born inferior, we also need to be respected, and we also deserve to be loved~
This summary is also my own healing process, I have packed up my mood and started again, and I wish everyone can find a partner who loves them.